


Unsaid

by seunrig



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 14:58:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5009128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seunrig/pseuds/seunrig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And he thinks that nothing can hurt more than this. To be able to look into the eyes of someone you love and not be able to tell them you love them, because they wouldn’t understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> “The lips that wanted to talk but could not part  
> Two hands that wanted to embrace but could not reach out” - Casker, Scent

Jiyong still remembers.

He doesn’t know where he is when he finally looks up from staring at the ground. He’s surrounded by dozens of people, and the noise from the traffic on the road is so damn loud and the lights from the buildings nearby are blinding. But Jiyong still remembers how he left, with the smell of cigarettes and white wine mingled together in the cramped up apartment. He remembers the faint beat of a song coming from his room because he had forgotten to plug his headphones into his laptop. And most of all, he remembers the way his heart had dropped to his stomach, when he realized all the words he could have said, but didn’t.

He can feel his phone vibrating in his pocket and Jiyong hopes with all of his heart that it isn’t  _him_ , because then he knew the things he wanted to say would either all come out at once or not come out at all. And either way, he would lose.

“Hello?” Jiyong’s voice is weak as he answers and he continues walking toward…anywhere, really.

“Jiyong…what happened?” It’s Youngbae’s voice and Jiyong nearly drops to his knees in relief and disappointment. “Are you okay? Did Seungri…”

Jiyong’s hand is in his pockets and his heart is in his throat as he gathers the strength to speak. “Did you know?” There’s a long silence but Jiyong and Youngbae have been friends for too long and those next slow breaths tell him everything he needs to know.

“He wanted to tell you…And it’s right that he did…” Youngbae is searching for the right explanation, for the words that will make Jiyong feel better but it’s useless.

                                                              ***

Jiyong was in his room, tapping along to a melody that he wished he had composed and working hard to create one just as good, when he hears a knock on his door. Usually nothing can get Jiyong to leave his music, but Seungri had texted him just an hour before saying he would be over and Jiyong had been waiting.

“Hyung!” Seungri charges into the apartment, making himself known and taking up as much space as possible and Jiyong likes it that way. Seungri is almost the exact opposite of Jiyong, happy for attention and always wanting more. He always needs to know something so he doesn’t feel left out and Jiyong embraces their huge differences because he thinks they balance each other out. Jiyong takes a moment to look at Seungri bounce around his apartment before he notices what’s in his hand.

“You brought wine? Were you with Seunghyun hyung?” Jiyong is amused and takes the already open bottle to pour it in the glasses Seungri already set out. “Were you having a party before you came here?”

“I bought it myself. Actually I brought it here so we could celebrate.” Seungri takes a seat on Jiyong’s couch and Jiyong makes sure he sits close to him. Jiyong holds out a hand and pats Seungri’s cheek, reminding himself not to linger too long. “I actually drank a little before I came here. I was a little nervous to tell you.”

“You’re making  _me_  nervous. What’s wrong?” Jiyong takes a sip and has to hold back his extreme dislike for the taste.

“Actually hyung…you know I’ve been seeing that girl, Minah, for around a year now.” Yes, Jiyong knew. He remembered when Seungri was just so  _happy_ when he talked about her and he had felt so hopeless. To know that Seungri was giving all of his love, all of his affection to her was hard to accept. Seungri fidgets in his seat just a little. “Actually…We’re going to get married.”

And Jiyong feels it. He feels something wash over him and he feels so heavy and he can’t move at all. The words repeat in his mind until there is only one word left:  _married married married married_.

“Why are you telling me this?” Seungri looks confused and he should, but it’s all that can leave Jiyong’s mouth.

“Because you’re the leader…and you should know this.”

Jiyong manages to stand up, stumbling just a bit. “Well I don’t want to know!” Seungri is startled and looks up at Jiyong with wide eyes. He doesn’t realize he’s dropped his glass all over his clothes until Seungri stands up to try and help him dry off, but Jiyong flinches. “Don’t touch me.”

And Seungri, oh Seungri, he’s never looked more rejected. His eyes filled with confusion and sadness, but he stands away from Jiyong. “Seungri…you can’t..” But Jiyong stops himself because he knows this is something he shouldn’t do. So he doesn’t.

And he thinks that nothing can hurt more than this. To be able to look into the eyes of someone you love and not be able to tell them you love them, because they wouldn’t understand. To be able to stand inches away from someone you love and not be able to hold them, because they are too far away.

So Jiyong doesn’t say anything. Instead, he leaves his apartment without another look back at Seungri.

                                                             *** 

Jiyong finally lets everything hit him and he sinks to the floor, his hand still gripping his phone. “Youngbae-ya…he’s getting married.” He tries to hold back the tears, but his voice cracks at the very end. “But I love him…”

“Did you tell him?”

Jiyong can only shake his head, knowing Youngbae can’t see him, and cries.


End file.
